Perfect, why do I feel the need to be perfect? I think it’s because the last 2 years with my studies, I wanted to be the best and things were not in my control, so when I failed to reach my goals, I was sad, disappointed, and in despair. But when I was given the opportunity to go to college, I wanted it to be perfect, the best. but recent events have made me rethink it. I play Fortnite; I like the game. It has given me joy, an enthralling story to follow, and also a chance to enjoy it on Twitter and Reddit. It makes me feel passionate about it, whether it’s a positive thing or a bad thing. I believe that by criticising it, I’m helping it, and it makes me feel good about myself. When I write movie reviews, I enjoy it because I like to think of a situation that could happen with or without me making me think about crazy alternate universes. It lets me be a creator, which makes me feel powerful and makes me a person that I might never be or hope to be.
I started driving recently, and the thrill is amazing. I almost got into an accident, the guy got pissed, he got out and started screaming, and I revved up and left. In my mind, I was scared, and I wandered into places that have been so from watching a lot of crime shows and detective shows. I was angry; I was scared; I was worried. What if he follows me? What if he calls the police? I realised that overthinking was causing me hurt, so I stopped worrying and started realising everything would be fine; you are not a bad person. I honestly didn’t want to drive again, but then I didn’t want this fear to take over me, so the next day early in the morning I woke and went for a drive. I decided to drive in a safe manner, so I drove carefully, didn’t speed unnecessarily, drove carefully over uneven roads, and overall, drove perfectly until I encountered a speed bump that was a slightly big one and I couldn’t see it because there were no markings on it, so at a speed of about 40–50 kmph I went over the speed bump, and the car bounced and jerked, and I thought I was going to die. I could smell tyre burning, so I checked the car, everything looked fine. At that moment, I was more worried about hurting the car than myself. After that, everything looked alright. I drove slowly and carefully back home, parking And then I concluded that I’d drive perfectly another day so that I might achieve peace of mind knowing that I am perfect.
I heard all the BS from friends and family that trying to be perfect will not happen because there will always be something better. They made an excellent point about how anybody can fall into this situation, but one must know how to get out of it. I feel like maybe because of the competition in today’s world, I feel the need to be perfect because I believe in the ‘survival of the fittest’, ‘you snooze, you lose, and fake it till you make it. That is my current mindset that I am taking to college, but the thing is, I will try to be perfect until I realise that perfection is just an illusion or a false hope. It could be tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, a decade from now, or never. But until that moment of realisation, I will do everything in my power to be perfect.
Comments